


Not So Alone

by I May Age Regress (shnuffeluv)



Series: Gibbs' Family [59]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Age Play, Emotional Breakthrough, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hurt Tony DiNozzo, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Age Play, Recovery, Tony DiNozzo & Jethro Gibbs Father-Son Relationship, implied/referenced eating disorder, part 40!!! we've come so far!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 20:37:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10884477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/I%20May%20Age%20Regress
Summary: Tony gets a nightmare. He and Gibbs have a bit of a talk.





	Not So Alone

_Tony wandered the halls of his house uncertainly. The 10-year-old was carrying a basketball under one arm, hoping that maybe his father would have the time to play with him today. No such luck, it would seem, as Tony couldn't even find the man in the house. He wandered the halls alone; not even the housekeeper seemed to be around today. There was no one in the house, just him. He bounced his basketball off the floor once and glanced around. No one was here to get him in trouble were he to play inside._

_Somehow, that didn't make him want to do it any more._

_He bounced the ball as he walked anyway, though. The hallways seemed too long and too silent and this gave him something to fill that silence with. Somehow, he found his way to the front entrance of the house that seemed more like a labyrinth. Just as his dad was walking in._

_Tony caught the basketball he was bouncing quickly, but not quickly enough. His father turned to him, glaring. "So, you were the one making all that noise? I could hear you outside!"_

_"It slipped from my hands!" Tony lied in an effort to ease the blow. Maybe he wouldn't be in as much trouble this way._

_"Why didn't you catch it sooner, then?" his father growled. "Don't let it happen again. I need to make a business call."_

_"Actually, Dad, I was wondering if you'd like to--"_

_"I have. A business call," his dad repeated._

_"Da--"_

_His father growled. "I'm busy!"_

_Tony wilted away from his father. But when the man made the attempt to move further into the house by himself, Tony followed him. "Look, Dad, I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry, okay? I won't even ask you to play with me, just please don't leave me alone out here!"_

_His father continued to walk like he didn't exist. Tony struggled to keep up, his legs felt like they were moving through molasses. He was only a pace behind his father when the man stepped into his office and slammed the door in his face. Tony knocked on it desperately. "Dad?" he asked. "Dad? Can I come in?"_

_He got no response. He tried the door handle, but it was locked. He banged on the door. "Dad! Please, let me in!" He felt tears pricking his eyes, even if DiNozzo's didn't cry. The house was eerie all by himself, and he couldn't handle being alone again. "Dad! Please! I'm sorry! Please!" He curled in on himself and slid down to the floorboards against the door. "Please..." he whimpered._

Tony bolted upright with a gasp. He looked around wildly. He was in the nursery, was that just a bad dream?

He shifted in crib until he was sitting up, looking around. There was a twin bed across the room, but no one was occupying it. He was alone. Again. His eyes glossed over and his breath hitched. He was alone in a room that wasn't his in a house he was trying to remember and no one was here to comfort him, or even just sleep in the same room as him, and he was feeling very little.

And then he was crying softly, not silently because he never learned how, but softly enough that no one would realize that he was crying if they simply passed the room.

There were footsteps approaching the room, though, and Tony hurriedly laid back down, trying to smooth out his blanket and make it look like he was sleeping. His hands stilled and he turned on his side when a shadow was cast in the doorway. "Tony?" a soft voice asked.

_Papa._  Tony didn't mean to bother him. He kept his eyes closed and tried to even out his breathing.  The footsteps approached the crib. "I know you're awake, kiddo. I heard you on the baby monitor."

Tony forgot that the baby monitor was a thing. Papa lowered the crib bars sat on the side of it and Tony curled in on himself, refusing to turn around and look at Papa.

"Tony," Papa coaxed softly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothin'," Tony lied.

"Tony," Papa repeated, in a slightly less soft tone. The boy looked over at Papa, but couldn't see him clearly for the tears forming in his eyes. The man tutted. "Oh, baby, what's wrong?" he asked softly.

"Nothin' Papa has to worry 'bout," Tony mumbled, turning his head back around and curling in on himself tighter.

"I disagree, if it's making you upset," Papa pointed out.

Tony's resolve wavered. Maybe Papa cared more about him than he had originally suspected. "'M not _that_  upset," he tried to reason. Maybe if he used Daddy's adult logic, Papa would put himself first again.

Papa put a hand on Tony's shoulder. "If you're upset _at all_ , that's too upset," Papa said firmly. "If something is wrong, Tony, you have to tell me. I'm not a mind reader."

Tony felt his stomach drop. He didn't want to be clingy; he didn't want to scare Papa away. After his eating disorder and hiding when he got scared and fighting with everyone when he could, Tony thought it was a miracle Papa put up with him. If he told Papa what was wrong now, it would probably be the final straw.

"I know you're upset, Tony, that much is obvious. And I know you're trying to get me to leave and sleep myself by saying you're not overly upset. I know that's something your father taught you. And I want to tell you that your father was wrong, kiddo, about so many things. You're allowed to be upset, and you're allowed to look for comfort, especially with me. We know each other too well to keep secrets from one another for long, so I _will_  find out why you're upset sooner or later. Why not feel some comfort because of it as well?"

That was all Tony needed to break. He threw off the blanket and hugged Papa, tears falling down his face. "I had a bad dream," he said softly.

Papa ran his fingers through Tony's hair, and Tony was once again taken aback at how safe he felt from the simple action. "Yeah?" Papa asked, maneuvering the two of them so Tony was in his lap. "What about?"

Tony shrugged. It didn't seem very important now that he had someone else here with him. "I was alone in Daddy's house, and then Daddy came home, but he was mad at me, so he went to his office and locked me out so I had to be alone still."

Papa stiffened underneath Tony. "I bet that was upsetting," he said.

"Yeah, but Papa's here now, so I'm okay," Tony said, perhaps a bit too brightly for the time of night. "I don't have to be alone..." He looked up at the man. "...Right?"

Papa smiled and kissed Tony's forehead. "You got that right, kiddo. I have you and I'm never, ever, ever letting go."

"But...then we wouldn't be able to work, Papa!" Tony said. The image of Papa continuing to bear-hug him even at work made him giggle. "How would you do your work with no arms?"

He could feel Papa chuckle behind him. "Oh, so you want me to let you go, then?"

"No!" Tony said, and he berated himself, because that was too quick, too loud, and too _needy_.

"Woah, easy kiddo, I was just teasing," Papa said gently. "I'm not gonna leave you if you don't want me to."

Tony grabbed Papa's arms with one hand and looked down. "Papa's got stuff to do that doesn't need me...sorry."

Papa held Tony tighter and fell sideways onto the crib and rolled onto his back, so Tony was lying on his chest. "Tony, I want you to look at me," he said.

Tony was a little startled from the fall, so he looked at Papa without a second thought.

"You," Papa kissed his forehead. "Are not," another kiss. "A distraction," another. "Or a bother. Clear?"

"...No," Tony admitted.

"Why not?" Papa asked. But he didn't sound mad, he sounded...sad that Tony would say that.

"Because either you're wrong or Daddy's wrong, then. And if you're wrong then I'm bad and needy, and if Daddy's wrong..." he couldn't finish the thought. If Daddy was wrong, then he'd be the most messed-up person on the planet, because he based himself on what his Daddy wanted him to be for the longest time.

Papa sighed. "I know you don't want to say your father was wrong, Tony. It's a scary thought to have. But he _was_  wrong, in so many ways, not least the way he treated you. You're an absolute treasure and deserve to be treated as such."

Tony turned his head so it was hidden in the crook of Papa's neck. "Papa...I don' think I can't _not_  be a bother..."

Papa took a deep breath from underneath Tony. "Then bother me."

Tony lifted himself up just enough to look into Papa's eyes. "What?"

"Bother me. Show me your drawings. Play with your toys loudly. Tell me what you want for dinner. Demand cuddles...nicely, preferably. I _want_  to be bothered by you, Tony. Nothing would make me happier than you bothering me."

It took Tony a minute to register what Papa was saying to him. When it finally clicked, he grinned. "Really?"

Papa nodded. "You better believe it, kiddo. If you're going to think of yourself as a bother, then you are the bother that I want to bother me most in life."

Tony settled on Papa's chest and smiled. "Bothers can be good?"

"Bothers can be great," Papa said, kissing Tony's forehead. "And you're the best bother there is."

When it was put like that, Tony found it hard to argue otherwise. He may still be bothering people, but Papa, at least, wanted to be bothered. He wasn't so alone in the world after all.

After a little while of laying on top of Papa's chest, the man coughed. "Hey, kiddo, is it okay is we move side-to-side so you're not crushing me?"

Tony nodded, half asleep. Papa rolled him onto one half of the crib, while the man took the other, facing Tony on his side. "One of us is gonna fall off if we sleep like this, kiddo."

Tony just hummed, the warmth of Papa's body pulling him into sleep quicker than he thought possible.

"I'm gonna get you under the blankets, okay? I'll be right here if you need me."

Tony nodded and Papa picked him up, pulled back the blankets, and slid him under them in one fell swoop. Then Papa sat on the side of the crib, stroking Tony's hair.

The boy blinked slowly, before shutting his eyes under the touch and not opening them again for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next morning DiNozzo woke slowly. He sat up and stretched, letting out a yawn. He looked around silently to see where Gibbs was, because he remembered the man being in the room until he fell asleep, and didn't know if Gibbs had gone back to his own bed.

A soft snore from the floor had DiNozzo looking over the side, and he had to bite back a loud laugh. Gibbs had passed out on the floorboards and was currently using one arm as a pillow.

DiNozzo slipped out of the crib and over Gibbs' body as quietly as possible, making quick work of getting dressed. As he was about to leave the room and grab breakfast, a voice spoke up from the floor. "Weren't you gonna wake me?"

DiNozzo turned to Gibbs. "Once I had made breakfast, boss. Didn't see a point in doing anything before whatever I'll be making was made. And we both know you wake up to the smell of any coffee within a ten-mile radius." Gibbs glared at DiNozzo and DiNozzo just smiled back. "Can't imagine the floor was very comfortable," he said casually.

"I've slept worse places," Gibbs said, sitting up and arching his back to release a soft _pop_  sound.

"Probably not by much," DiNozzo said. "So, thanks."

Gibbs shrugged. "Anything for one of my kids."

DiNozzo grinned. "Anything?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Overstatement. No, you cannot microwave Legos just to see what happens."

DiNozzo decided that it might be a good time to see if pushing the line as an adult wouldn't deter Gibbs, since he now knew Gibbs wouldn't do anything to him as a kid. He gave a soft whine of protest. "But aren't you at least a little bit curious?" he asked.

"Nope," Gibbs said.

"Fine. I'll do it at _my_  place," he said, nodding his head in conviction.

"Don't come crying to me when your apartment smells like melted plastic," Gibbs replied.

DiNozzo left the room and smiled. Gibbs hadn't gotten upset when he had persisted in his argument! Maybe he meant what he said last night if DiNozzo was either little _or_  big. And if that was true...he couldn't imagine anything better.

**Author's Note:**

> Little bit of emotional realization on Tony's part here. Hopefully from here on out we'll see even more development, yeah?


End file.
